How to Talk to Humans

Fred Rogers speaking before a United States Senate Subcommittee on Communications hearing, May 1, 1969. Photo by Robert Lerner for LOOK Magazine. Library of Congress Digital ID “ppmsca 53566".

Fred Rogers (perhaps more familiar as Mister Rogers) excelled at talking to children in a way that was clear and concise, in a way that the children could relate to, and in a way that didn’t alienate or belittle them. In short, he was able to communicate effectively with young children.

Fred’s way of speaking has been dubbed Freddish and a pamphlet created by a producer and a writer of Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood describes a sequence of nine steps for rewriting your message to make it ready for delivery to children. Steps include things like “rephrase positively”, “rephrase any element that suggests certainty”, and avoid any word that “represents a value judgment”.

While the specific steps of translating to Freddish are tailored for young children, the overall lesson seems to be that communicating effectively requires thoughtfulness.

It’s commonly expressed that communication on public websites is not always effective and that it is frequently dismissive, condescending, or just plain rude. I propose that if the following set of steps are applied in modern discourse, it could lead to more productive conversations and greater civility:

1. State the idea you wish to express as clearly as possible. Communication on Reddit is toxic.
2. Rephrase in a positive manner. Communication on Reddit can be better.
3. Rewrite with the idea that the people you are speaking to may have already considered your point and have a well-founded reason for disagreeing. Communication on Reddit can be better; have you thought about that?
4. Rewrite with the idea that the people you are speaking to are not stupid. Communication on Reddit can be better; what do you think about that?
5. Rewrite with the idea that the people you are speaking to are not evil. Communication on Reddit can be better which most people would like; what do you think about that?
6. Rephrase any element that suggests certainty. I believe communication on Reddit can be better and I think a lot of people would like that; what do you think about that?
7. Rework any elements that assume knowledge your audience is not likely to have. I believe communication on the Web can be better and I think a lot of people would like that; what do you think about that?
8. Rephrase any words that unduly imply a value judgment. I believe communication on the Web can be more productive and more civil, and I think a lot of people would appreciate that; what do you think about that?
9. Rewrite your new statement as clearly as possible. I think a lot of people would appreciate having communications on the Web be more effective and more civil. I believe that’s achievable. What do you think?

I don’t believe there’s a magic recipe for good communication, but I do think that taking this cue from Fred Rogers could be beneficial. Thinking about the words you choose and the way they might be received can guide you in crafting a message that your audience is receptive to, paving the way for productive discussions and civil discourse.